Introduction

This is a pretty serious diary for me.  My name and all listed in here will be fictionalized to protect the innocent and the guilty.
My name is Axalea, and I'm an alcoholic.  Truly still.  I am drinking vodka currently.
However, this journal is going to chronicle my journey into taking a break from drinking.  I'm not sure I want to even get sober, but for health reasons, I know that I need to at least get control of my drinking.
I have been a steady drinker for the last 20 plus years.  It started as a social thing after turning 21 and increased from there.
I have a lot of issues in my childhood that probably helped my drinking along, but no one put that bottle in my hand but me.
When I was 25 in 1999 I met a fellow drinker and we married.  We are truly in love and the fact that we both boozed was a bonus.
We drank nightly until he developed pancreatitis in 2004ish and he had to quit to save his life.  I swore I would quit with him, but I didn't.
He switched to pot and it never really became an issue as we both had our vices.  He would occasionally talk to me about taking a break because he didn't want me to go thru the same health issues that he did.
He had a heart attack in December.  He had been off the sauce and on pot since the pancreatitis, but his eating wasn't the cleanest and neither has mine been.
I had a blood panel done for the first time in 20 years last week and my cholesterol is thru the roof.  I am having chest pains and generally feeling like crap.

Last night I only drank a small amount and used CBD oil to get to sleep...I slept poorly but the sleep that I did get seemed better than what I would normally get on a full night of drunk sleep.
Tonight is Friday night and I've been drinking, but doing research on CBD oil and quitting drinking.  It is proving to be quite impressive.  I cannot do a great deal of THC because I have major anxiety (a product of the drinking?) and it makes me that much worse.  However, CBD oil is proving to be a valuable asset in the calming of my nerves and depression.  It looks like it can also help with the booze cravings in a higher dosage.
So this is a readers digest version of my background and how I am hoping to turn it around.