Good night, sweet Mother In Law

 I'm not sober. Call this an excuse...it could quite possibly be, but I couldn't face it tonight.

My husbands mother has been sick for quite some time. She was in and out of the hospital with various different things until about six months ago, she was sent home on 24 hour end of life care. 

She was bedridden and taken off about 90% of the multitude of medications she took daily.

Within weeks she was thriving. She was out of bed, off the catheter and making trips to Target on her motorized scooter.

We knew it wouldn't last but we were so happy to get those bonus months.

She took a turn right after Thanksgiving. Disoriented and falling out of bed at night because she didn't know where she was...and soon turned into bedridden again with Hospice on staff.

I got the call I had been dreading today. My husband doesn't call my work phone unless we have pre-arranged plans to have him drop off the dogs to me. We exchange emails and texts and that is it. 

I knew that when this happened, it would be a phone call at work and I got that call today around 11 AM. When the receptionist told me my husband was on the line, I immediately dissolved into tears and said to anyone around me that it was him and he wouldn't call unless...<insert sobs here>

My work girls rallied round and I had three people telling me to breathe and be calm as my heart went into overdrive before I picked up the phone.

He said his dad had just called and it looked like it was time, he was heading over there and did I want to go?

I don't do well in situations like this, I never have. I prefer to remember the person as they were and not how they were on their death bed. I was the same way with both my grandparents and it's just how I process. My husband knows this about me and he told me that was fine and he'd keep me posted.
About an hour later I was still a big weepy mess still, but I had just started my lunch break when my boss rushed in to say my husband was on the phone again. 

She had passed surrounded by her family (minus one son who is stationed in Asia) and went very peacefully according to my husband.

My husband seems to be doing really well, as he thinks he did all his grieving in the last few weeks, but I'm kind of scared that it will manifest itself in the next couple of days.

I tried to tell him we should skip our trip but he says there is no reason. He says that the only reason he would have was if she hadn't passed and they thought she was ready to right before. He said that he feels kind of relieved because of all the waiting and anticipation that he had been doing for over the last six months.

I get that....I don't work that way.

I really lucked out in the in-law department as she was an incredible woman and took me in as her own daughter 20 years ago when she didn't have to. I loved her deeply and she will be missed.