68 Hours

68 hours since my last drink.
Last night was soooo much better as far as sleep went.
I went through all of yesterday feeling hungover, not because I had drunk the night before (I hadn't) but because I couldn't sleep withOUT the alcohol and only ended up getting around four hours of fitful sleep.
Last night I took some CBD oil, some herbal calmatives and went to bed around eight.  I read my book until my eyes got heavy and put it down.  I had some jerky moments when I was on the cusp of sleep that woke me up, but instead of reaching for the book again, I let myself try to relax.  It finally worked around ten and I was able to successfully sleep throughout the night with only minor waking when the dogs were restless or my husband snored too loudly.  However, I was able to get back to sleep easily after.
I really really really hope this keeps up.  I don't think I can function at work on Monday with another sleepless night like I had Friday.
Interesting tidbit.  My fitbit showed that my resting heart rate is considerably lower through the night than it was when I drank before bed.  I had read that alcohol raises your pulse, but I never put THAT much thought into it.  You would think it would lower it because the booze "relaxes" you, but that is not the case.
On a drinking night (EVERY NIGHT), my heart rate never dipped below 78 and mostly stayed in the 90s sometimes spiking to the 100s.
Last night it never went above 89, stayed mostly in the 70s and went as low as 63!
I found that very informative.  Especially given the heart episode I had on Friday.  I've been making my poor ticker work way harder than it needed to!
Today we got up around 8:30 and headed out to see Hub's mom in the hospital. There is a stretch of freeway on the way there that usually gives me anxiety.  I didn't notice until after we passed it that I hadn't even thought about it to get anxious.  It just didn't occur to me.  After that it was grocery shopping.  It was weird to not pick up a couple of bottles of vodka.  I still picked up my soda that I use as a chaser because as I mentioned last entry, it helps me somehow to still have that routine to go into the kitchen and get a drink - even if it is only sparkling water.
We got home a few hours ago.  Today feels easier.  Less anxiety about not drinking.  Less anxiety overall and that comes FROM the not drinking and getting a good nights sleep.  It is so bizarre to me that the very thing that I was anxious about not doing was the very thing that GAVE me the anxiety in the first place!
My face wasn't as red and puffy as it normally is in the morning.  In fact I've lost three pounds in the last two days.
I know it is super early in the game and I am thankful for these small positive things to keep me motivated.  You would think it gets easier from here, but from what I've read it just gets harder.
Two weeks from now my husband is taking a solo trip for a little less than a week.  That will be a test!  Me, all alone in the house with no one to answer to.  Not that he cared that I drank before (other than my health), but that is how my brain works.  Like that of a child that is left alone to be naughty and can get away with it.
I can't predict what I will do.  I can only try to do my best.