Sadness and Grief

Sadness and Grief were not the two words I would have thought I would use to describe my stopping drinking...and yet, here I am.
First of all, I'm an emotional wreck.  I tear up at the drop of a hat, be it happy or sad tears.  I didn't anticipate this, but I guess it is normal.  When something was such a huge part of your life for so long, I suppose it is just natural to grieve the loss of it.  It's just not something that I thought about when I thought about quitting.  I knew I would miss it, but I didn't realize the extent.  It's pretty major.
I guess I'm really not ready to talk about that part without becoming a big sobby mess so I'll just leave it at that for now.
In other news, I got about six and a half hours of sleep last night, but it was REALLY GOOD SLEEP.  :)  I woke up feeling tired, but not like I normally did when I had drunk the night before.  I actually woke and played on my phone for a half an hour instead of hitting the snooze button until the last possible minute.
At work I was really productive and didn't feel the horrible grogginess and fuzzy headedness that usually accompany me on a Monday after a weekend binge session.   In fact I didn't even start to feel like I was running out of steam until late afternoon.  Normally I'm ready to tap out by noon at the latest.  Heh.
The last half hour or so though I started to feel anxious.  Knowing that I couldn't drink when I got home.  How in the world am I going to relax after a full days work without it?  It's the times when I used to anticipate and look forward to "relaxing" when I got home that make me feel the most anxious/sad.  And I understand why.  This has been my crutch for almost half my life.  That's a tough one to get over, and I don't anticipate the sorrow going anywhere any time soon.  That sucks out loud.
Just had a convo with Hubs.  He didn't realize quite what I was doing with all this.  He thought I was just taking a couple days off so we just had a heart to heart.  He is of course 100% behind me, but now that he realizes what I'm doing he wants to be here more to help me out.  I appreciate that more than I can say.  He's been through what I'm going through and that fact is priceless to me.
We haven't gotten any answers yet, but his support is just what I needed to hear tonight.
Random thing I noticed: My allergies are gone.  I've been allergic to my dogs as long as I've had them.  I sneeze, I snot, and blow my nose multiple times a night to the point where the basket is overflowing.  This is a daily thing when I forget to take my Nasacort.  Since I stopped drinking, I've barely had a sniffle!  What's up with that?  No seriously, what is up with that?  Is that common?
Anyhoo, time to eat some dinner and go lay down and read.  I'm getting A LOT of reading done.  :-)