Wow!

 

I got on the scale this morning to find that I have lost six pounds since Monday.

SIX POUNDS!

Now granted I am a big girl to begin with but I have been easily been eating way more than I ever did when I was drinking. AND I am about to start my period so I am actually retaining water right now!

THAT is how many calories I was consuming from booze.

DUDE!

I realize it is bloat and it won’t last, but holy freaking cow, talk about a motivator!!!

So last night was my “time up” as in the time that I gave myself to stay sober until. When I started this last week, I told myself that I just needed to stay sober until Friday and see how it went from there.

I was pretty much mostly planning to drink last night. Hubs was talking about picking up some take out on the way home and it was shaping up to be a perfect Friday evening to imbibe.

Then he got a text from his dad asking if we wanted to go out to dinner.

Now if you will remember, my FIL just lost his dog the night before due to a hit and run outside of his house. It wasn’t like I was going to be like “Nah, sorry dude, but I got these drinking plans sooo….”

Of COURSE we were going to do whatever it was he wanted if he was reaching out…mostly because he doesn’t usually reach out.

So we tooled on over to his house after work and took him out to a local restaurant that we’ve gone to with them sometimes. A nice family place with a lot of selection. 

We all split nachos and FIL got a salad as well.

I was still on the fence about drinking when I got home. I was trying not to eat too much but the nachos were pretty awesome. 

FIL seemed to be in an okay mood and he told me that he liked to think of his dog passing as his wife calling the dog home to her. That surprised me because they are not a religious family but also warmed my heart and gave me a little peace.

This was the first time we had all gone out to eat without my MIL and I noticed as we were pulling into their house after and seeing all of her things that I had really missed her during that meal. I don’t think I particularly noticed it at the time because I was trying to keep FIL in good spirits but yeah. I started to tear up a bit in the driveway and had to bite it back.

We got home and I noticed I was still a bit full but not enough that I couldn’t “drink through it” as I had done countless times before.

I fed the dogs and got in my jammies, still not having made a decision.

I played around on my computer and hemmed and hawed and decided I just really didn’t want to. I blamed it on still being a bit full from dinner but I think I just really didn’t want to wake up feeling like poo in the morning.

It’s been so freaking nice to wake up and not have that pounding racing heart and throbbing head every morning this week. I mean, it’s amazing how you just get used to it when you do it every day. I have felt like crap for soooooo long that it just became the status quo. I accepted that it was just the way that I was going to feel. Every. Single. Day.

And to not…well that was nothing short of fantastic.

So I jumped in to bed and finished a fluff book that I had been reading off and on and went to sleep.
These are baby steps and I’m still not saying forever. My brain will not allow it, but for now, just for today I am pretty proud of not drinking last night.